After Forty

Good things seem to happen after forty

Forty years in the wilderness

Forty days and forty nights of rain

Forty days on the mount

All of that turned out pretty damn good so let's hope things are changing for me. I went in today to speak with a company today and locked up a contract role. Certainly not in the clear as this is a 90 day engagement that buys me some time. No guarantees that there will be more so I will be keeping my head on a swivel after my disappointment in December. Fact is, this pays bills. Period. That is key right now.

So maybe after forty years, life will really begin and be what it should.

What's for dinner? Osso bucco and a risotto

Forty: Tasting The Wine

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Forty.

It's interesting to look back and see where I have been up until now before adding a few more thoughts. I just have to step back and ask myself some hard questions on where I have been, and where I am going.

Stability. The one thing that I wanted after finishing grad school was to put my life on the rails, start my career, and enjoy life. After all, a hand full of degrees from great schools is enough to say that you have worked hard to set yourself up, right? I suppose that I thought the whole career thing would be a given and good things would happen with hard work. Good things have indeed happened but that stability thing has eluded me again and again and then again. What's up with that? Why did this end up pretty much defining my life in my 30's? I am sure that there are a lot of people on the outside looking at my world that wonder why I can't catch a break or what is wrong with me that this keeps happening. Yet here I am again in the same situation in 2010 as I was in 2002, and again in 2008. Ten years. Seven jobs.

This time around it's been hard. I am three full months into this job search and the fight is on. Things continue to go well but I have yet to close this search down. I hope that changes this week. At a time where I know that I should be celebrating a birthday, the whole idea of it just turns me off. I don't have the energy to plan for it, and the idea of celebrating with friends for a day is the last thing that I want. I just can't open myself up to celebrating because I think it is completely disingenuous to have people pat you on the back one day celebrating and then the day after your birthday you wake to find out that you are not within their immediate circle of give a shit. Sounds like a positive, uplifting take right? I believe that you should care about those around you everyday and it should not take a birthday or Christmas to reach out to close friends. You should do that everyday and it should be a given for a good friendship. Unfortunately this is just not the case in how we live our lives which in no way do I intend to be an indictment of my personal friends. This is just one man's observation and realistic account of the difference between what people say, and what they do.

Fact is I don't have a lot positive to share right now. If I am being honest with myself, this is just how it is right now. It boils down to not being where I should and deserve to be. Although my goals have not been met it would be selfish of me to recognize that my lot is better than most, in fact much better than most. Indeed there is somebody whose 30's were a lot worse than mine and many that did not live to 30.

What has happened the last 40 years? I am not sure that I can answer that question or tell you what has happened during career 2.0 in my 30's. It has been a ride and that is a fact. For now, I have my head down and I am focused on getting back on track. Right about now I am sure you are thinking I might be missing the fact that what you do is not who you are. Nope, not true. I get that and that message is loud and clear. It's just that I need to get past this, and move on to where I need to be. Reclaim my life. Get my swagger and energy back.

The wine has not changed, I have simply not been taking time to taste it.

That's my blood down there
Seems poured from the hands of angels
But trickle into the ground
Leaves the warehouse bare and empty
And my heart's numbered beat
Still echo in this empty room
And fear wells in me
But nothing seems good enough to defend
So I am going away,
Though you know I'd love to say,
Lucky lucky lucky day........

There Is The Truth, and Then There Is The Truth

I have not had much to say here, sorry about that if anybody has stopped by. The truth is that I have indeed had a lot to share, mostly about my continued job search. I certainly don't have anything to hide, but I am conscious of the line of what you present to the world on line and what is best kept off the internet. All of this is nothing negative but to somebody that does not know me or happens across this, it could all be taken the wrong way.

Truth is, things have not been going well. What has gone well is the amount of diligence that I have created and the database of opportunities that I maintain. I have generated a lot of information - it's overwhelming in fact, but in a very good way. I have been fortunate in that I have been able to leverage a lot of connections to open doors and provide some good guidance. All of that is good, however, when it comes to closing the deal, I am still falling short. That is the hard part. I have been so close recently that it is just heartbreaking to recount. I have thought about just laying it all out here for the world to read as it unfolds but that could be a bit much. No doubt that it would certainly represent a day in the life and give a perspective on what my days entail, but it could all be taken the wrong way.

So here I am. End of March empty handed. Yes, I know. You are thinking of all the positive platitudes that people normally say. Things will turn around. You will find something. You don't have anything to worry about. You will find the right job. Things happen for a reason. Fact is, all of that makes you feel a whole lot better than it does to encourage me.

In This World

In this world man must either be anvil or hammer.

HWL

What's For Dinner: Chicken Saltimbocca and Orzo