The Truth, But Not The Whole Truth

On my road back to normalcy I found it in my gut to own up to mom that I have a new job.....sorta. I really have not shared with her all of my 2008 for a lot of reasons, so I thought it best to tell her that I have just started somewhere new and leave it at that. This is all fine and good but the reality is that it's just a contract role that could expire any time. I just hope I am not backing myself into a corner. Again.

I am headed home to see here in a couple of weeks so hopefully that will help to put her at ease some more.

It Comes Back Around

The news flash from today is that the SVP that let me go just over a year ago, was let go today. Funny how it comes back around. I would never wish ill on somebody else as we all have families and obligations and I won't dwell on this. I will just choose to learn from it and apply it to my life and the actions that I make in the future.

A good thing has happened in that I have found a contract role which might have some longevity. Maybe . Ironically this is with the private equity group that I was just with and I am very thankful to them. You know it's funny, I always thought that there would be this defining moment when I would secure a new permanent job. There would be an interview, a negotiation a week later, followed by a Fed Ex envelope with an offer letter. That just has not happened for me. But here is this new opportunity that might have a few months in it for me. It might turn into a full time role in a few months. They might tell me to go packing in two weeks. There is all of this uncertainty surrounding this and it just weighs on me because I only want one thing: I want my life back. I want certainty. I want to be able to go on and live and put this behind me once and for all.

So here is the choice - I want to say this is it, and embrace where I am. I want to say the battle has been won. On the other hand, my prudence tells me that I am still on high alert and the storm is not over. There will be a decision soon.

What's for dinner?


Seared scallops/spinach/warm vinaigrette/chive dressing

Honestly Now, Do I Really Look Like The Valet?

The Entreprenurial Slant

I have found myself bouncing around in some interesting circles recently. Funny how Houston is such a small world in the energy sector and how your name gets around. As a result some energy deals have come my way that could be described as entrepreneurial which is an interesting turn for me.

I can't begin to recount the times that people have asked me why don't I simply start my own business, but for me, it's just not that simple. I can't see myself buying a franchise or anything like that as I have always aspired to create value in the things I do. Nothing wrong with owning a Quizno's or dry cleaner as clearly a LOT of money is made in those businesses, but it's just not for me. But recently I have found myself in smaller and smaller circles talking about new opportunities that could go forward. Clearly I don't have the capital available or the time to work for sweat equity, but something like this would be a big departure from the previous environments I have worked in. Could this all be leading up to one grand good bye from corporate America?

It's Not You, It's Me

"He was really so surprised that you had not found something. He is quite impressed with your resume/education etc. (He is not alone in that)"

Welcome to 2009

You might call this a "more of the same" post for me as it is another absolutely unbelievable yet true story of my turmoil. This is sorta like working for Enron all over again in that I would have much rather read the book or seen the move vs actually going through the experience. More so, if I had not gone through the last couple of weeks, I would not have believed this myself.

The last few weeks I started back at one of the private equity shops that I was with previously in a contract role. They needed somebody to help out with the process raising debt for the renewable power plant that I helped out with before. These guys are super nice and really appreciate me as much as I appreciate and like working for them. The plan would be for work through Feb, maybe March starting mid Dec. A real possibility for contract work through six months was actually on the table depending on the path for this asset. Who knows, folding into a permanent role with the asset or a portfolio company....

That all ended today when unforeseen issues came up. There will be a different path taken for this asset and raising debt and equity that is completely influenced by the larger market situation. They did not want this for me, nor did I, but when the ax man comes, you gotta answer the door. One good thing is that if there is another window for work on this asset, I think that I will be the guy who gets the call.

So how do you even get excited about anything anymore in this market? What is real? At what point can I say this is over? Here was a cool contract opportunity that was going to provide some income even if it did not prove to be the last stop for me on this journey. It was something. It was a place that I was respected and regarded and just as much as this was taken from me, you could say it was taken from my employers as well. I am tired. I am running out of options. I have seen people blow up trading books, get indicted on trading violations and fraud, blow up businesses and yet they get chances again and again.

Look people, I am looking for one, ONE shot. Do I have to go through another year of this? News flash, not gonna make it that long.