Hard Fought

Those are probably the best words to describe this week. All said I got a lot done this week and it was very productive. If you could believe it, there were a lot of long days that started early and ended late and all said, I am still getting the same confirmation from the market. The message is that I have a lot to offer and I know this. However the "process" is getting in my way. The process seems to always be at the beginning and never at a pace aggressive enough that provides quick feedback and most importantly closure. Some of the roles that I am finding via my Kellogg network could be interesting and promising but if nothing else, they substantiate my origination efforts for finding new stuff.

The 20 jumps way at Spaceland are this weekend and I decided not to go. They want to have possibly two groups of 20 way formations this weekend with a possible larger group and formation load for 40 or so at the end of the day. Sucks to be passing on cool stuff like this but I am trying to sacrifice to save cash and skydiving does not qualify as a need. I am still jumping a couple of times maybe once a month or so to stay current and I will continue that. It just sucks to be missing out on a lot of great weather days this time of year.

I can laugh about it now, but I almost went through the phone today on some guy trying to sell me a mortgage product IMMEDIATELY after I just finished forbearing my school loans with him. I mean, come on, what the hell are you thinking dude?

Warning!

8:58 AM and I am already caffeinated at toxic levels. Maintain a safe distance.

He Said, He Said: What Did You Just Call Your Wife?

The set up: A casual conversation with a late 40's guy who is a business associate. His wife is Chinese. We are having beers after work with another male business associate.

He said: Can you believe my son's foot is size 14 EE and he is 14 years old?

I said: Wow! That is amazing. Is your wife tall?

He said: Yeah, she's pretty tall for an Oriental.

I said: .......you mean......Asian......right?

He said: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, (insert dumb chuckle) .........Asian.

We have so, so very far left to go in this country. The evidence is overwhelming and the implications are without bounds. The notion of just relaxing and being less "politically correct" represents our laziness in addressing an issue that is still relevant in our lives. I will never forget the fact that a young man was hung in my home town - during my lifetime. It is a huge mistake that somebody would still use a pejorative term like this. It is completely unthinkable to use that term about your wife.

When all else fails, I just quote movies.

Randal Graves: "You know, come to think of it, my grandmother was kind of a racist."

I am Carolyn Burnham

Another turn at bat today with an interview. This time it will be a completely different industry and type of role, but I don't think that is a bad thing given the turmoil in the energy sector and economy. Finding safe haven for a while is a good thing.

Getting up this morning I found myself talking myself up more than normal just trying to be positive on the whole thing. I had to laugh for a sec because I immediately thought of the scene in American Beauty with Annette Bening frantically cleaning an abandoned, dated, dirty home saying to her self affirming, "I will sell this house today, I will sell this house today."

I am Carolyn Burnham.

What's for Dinner: Dinner on the Cheap

Soba, pork, garlic, cabbage, shitake, spring onion, carrots, snow peas and egg.

What's for Dinner: Good Friends

Dinner with Sean and Edit, thanks to Edit for the pictures.

Cumberland Sound

"This old hound
St. Marys bound
This old hound
Still got a ways to go
In the first half of the year I was tryin' to run away
In the second half I'm just tryin' to get back home"


To the Cumberland Sound......

An Empty Envelope

Applying for a job via a corporate web site is like throwing an empty envelope over a wall and expecting somebody to throw it back over stuffed with hundred dollar bills.

It Was Supposed to Be

The beginning of this week was tough. Very tough.

Truth be told, I had a "tentative" verbal offer from an interview a couple of weeks ago. So why not be excited? Well, we had discussed salary, role, start date and that I could probably expect a call this past Friday and this seemed like a completely done deal. Only because I have seen these things before and watched them come and go with all kinds of promise, I just could not find it in me to say this is done and celebrate. It's almost like I need to physically walk into work on day one for this to really be done. Well, turns out Friday came and went. Monday brought the news that "things had changed."

You just could not begin to imagine how frustrating and up and down this has all been on my end. This is not the first time. It is just "this" close - so close that it has been completely unreasonable the way that opportunity has been snatched away from me time and time again. It's as if this just defies reason. This is like if somebody suddenly said to me that Monday now follows Wednesday which is after Friday.

It still gets me how this has changed the world of people that I know. I still can't get over my friends being separated. That just blows me away. They really looked out for me when I lived in FL and made sure I was ok. I owe them a lot for that. And now this happens to them and they are not even in the same city.

Salt

This year, well, it is what it is in a way. Anybody that knows me can see how tough it has been for me just to make it through this far. The last two weeks though have kind of turned everything around though in an odd way.

Hear that noise? It's our wake up call.

As the financial markets have taken a turn for the worst, it seems like everybody around me has suddenly paused to take note of what I have been seeing all year long and it is now affecting them. What was a passing conversation about my job search followed by the assumption that "It's gonna all right for him, he's smart" has now quickly become a situation of careful self examination of individual employment by everybody around me. Being around panic, chaos or disorder has never been my thing but the way that it is affecting others just bothers me because it rips at heart of what makes us human and uncovers all of the ugly possibilities that nobody wants to face.

I recently found out that a friend from days past is now separated from her husband who is in a different city now and boy did that get me. I know these guys to be a strong couple where love abounded and also a strong family that very much had God in their lives. It wasn't enough and that is a hard realization to see the couples that you think will make it fall away. Maybe that is my blessing that I don't have a wife and child right now as I am going through this because my stress would only be magnified. And then there is the family that I read about that was killed by a husband who was distraught over being without a job - how in the world do things get that bad?


Now listen, listen to the truth
It does not matter, doesn't matter what you do
Still gonna be you
Just like the salt in the stew
Yeah it's all a part of you
And one thing, the one thing that life cannot do
It can't take your song from you