What Happens When George Is Between Jobs

Way too much ESPN 2 and MSNBC
Cocktails on a Tuesday night? No problem.
Far too many hours behind the computer
Find too many useless new ways to color code my call log spreadsheet
Completely unhealthy obsession with Sage Steele begins
Get to go to the gym off hours
Hear the phrase, "Do you have any prospects" enough to want to jab somebody's eye out
Guilt while sitting behind the computer and contemplating going to do a couple hop and pops
Consider getting a dog because I would actually be around the house more
Cocktails on a Wednesday night? No problem.

Truth, Lie, Blank Stare - Pick One

Tonight I stopped by Lupe to get some take out for Tom's birthday party at the DZ. One of the bartenders that I know and speak to often happened to ask me, what do you do? I think my first response was, "Huh."

After realizing that he was asking me what I did for a living I found myself back in the corner of wondering do you lie or tell the truth. Does it even matter? Why would I even care what this guy thinks about my job or what I do? Somehow it matters to me although it shouldn't. Face it, guys define themselves by that kinda shit and it sucks not to be living up to your own standards. It does not make you more or less of a person in any way which I totally know but.....hell I don't even know. It just sucks.

I get this all time here in Houston and I HATE going places to meet new people because this will always come up. It sucks even more so because I end up around so many other people in the same industry and the question always comes up and I want to be proud of what I do. As if I did not have enough issues meeting women to date, this just makes all that suck even more. What woman wants to be with a dude who is on the bench. How does that help my balance? Not at all.

I Should Be More

Like I Really Needed This Right Now

Hit and Run.

It surely could have been worse if I had been hurt or there was worse damage. My gut tells me that a camera at near the intersection caught this and if it did, the jerk who did this will surely hear from me.

So clearly this just could not be easy for me. The tire repair store flooded the engine by shutting off the engine cold. As many cars as they see they should know not to shut a rotary engine down COLD! So nowI have to get the car towed to the dealership to get the plugs pulled and cleaned. This will be another few hundred on top of the four bills I just dropped.

Hows about a break......please......

Makes Me Better

Things are better for me when there is order in my world. Clean is good. Clean home, clean car, clean closet, clean kitchen ready to be cooked in - it all seems to calm me. Freak? Yeah probably but it is what calms me. If nothing else order is what gives me a grip on my world when things want to come apart.

I think I need that control.

The Balance

For the most part I was a good kid. I never really got into a lot of trouble, or I should say, serious trouble. Probably the thing my parents and relatives rode me the most about was just being a respectful kid and doing the right thing. But I remember a lot of times that they were mad at me. Sometimes they were really, really angry. I can step back from that now and see it probably was not anger so much as just a fierce disappointment. That's kinda where I am now.

I am kinda mad. Yeah, mad. That does not really sound right - sorry world. Ok, so maybe it is that same fierce disappointment that I am feeling right now. I think that when you can care about somebody so much that when they let you down, it hurts you. I glad that mom is ok, but things could be so not ok right now. this was a close call. She will continue to heal and get better with time so all is right with the world but man am I disappointed. End of the world, no. Just gotta not be so......intense I suppose about all of this. I suppose all of this is a bit more complicated because I am helpless from where I am. Chill and relax because we all make mistakes, right George? Right. It's not that bad I suppose. I hope. (trying to be positive here......)

Parents like kids can make ya just scream "ARRRRAAAAARRARRRRRGHHHGHHHH" sometimes. Maybe it's not all that bad if we learn from it all.

Mom is all I can think about today because she is having a procedure/surgery/whatever it should be called over a minor infection that has turned into a major issue. I am so disappointed and frustrated that I don't know what to say or do from here forward. Clearly I want her to be healthy and happy and that is what is most important. She has got to get better and well again and I am praying for that today. I know God will work that out for the best without question.

Something has to change.

As my mom gets older I will have to find a way to be more engaged in her life and help her out. No doubt about it, she is stubborn, but this is a perfect example of how a small thing can turn into a major issue with her health. This could have been prevented if she had just listened to me and sought help immediately. I just hope that she will listen to me now and defer to my judgment on things concerning her well being.

Most of all, I just want to be a good son and I don't feel good about being here miles away while this is going on. Given that this came up yesterday I know this is not possible. I just have to wait.

I can always dream

Ten Seconds

Today I felt like I was ten seconds away from - who knows. Ten seconds away from being pissed and frustrated. What good does that do me? Throwing something might do me some good.

How self centered of me to think that the world is against me and that nobody has my back. But it feels that way right now and I so much want to point a finger and assign blame. As much as it feels right to look at somebody to blame, the truth is that there is nobody to blame. Good news - my lunch calendar is full and at least that and other stuff will get me out of the house. Somebody told me today that your love life is inverse to your professional life. Remains to be seen.

Ugh.....This is tough. Funny that the words that Mike's words came back to me today, "Adversity introduces a man to himself." I always wondered what that says about me.

He Said, She Said: The Greatest of All Time

"What you are thinking about, you are becoming." - Muhammad Ali

Two Thousand Eight

December.

The only thing that has been on my mind recently has been December. Clearly the bad - the job. The good - how I handled it. Some of it.

It's all a blur which is really the problem. I simply zoned out it seems and daydreamed a lot of time away. It sucks being here during the day with no interaction. I have gotten a lot done, certainly more than most would have worried about accomplishing at the end of the year but I still did not hit the mark like I wanted to. I feel aimless sitting on the bench.

Sure a job does not define who you are and I know that is true for me. Indeed I will work again - I know this. Until then, I have got to find a path and a purpose. It's more like I have got to find a daily purpose. Goals? I don't know. Something.

December is done. This is January. Two Thousand Eight.