Beauty

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry, you will someday."

Over

Well, it's over.

Phone rings this afternoon while I am at my desk. The call is from a Sr. VP asking me to come up to the 14th floor. 14 is where HR has their offices. I know where this conversation is going already.

I was in the middle of another lay off situation today so my days there are done. Was it fair? Was it the right thing? Am I angry? Do they have any idea how hard it is to find a job this time of year? Am I ready to relocate? Would I sell my home that I love so much? What next? Wasn't I laid off before over the holidays when I worked for Enron? Why do I feel numb to this? Didn't my group hire a half dozen people at least over the previous six months? Why did they let the ONE person that had been in the group the longest go?

At the end of the day, this will work out and I will be ok. I know that there are enough people that love me that I will not need shelter or ever go hungry. This is where I am, and I will deal with it. More than anyone knows, I am a survivor.

I do know this: tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. I will make the best of it.

Happy Holidays World.

Once a Booster

I had an twist of circumstance over brunch today that took me by surprise. I finally was able to make it over to Indika to check out their brunch which turned out to be really good. I was doing my usual reading the paper and just taking it easy this morning but for some reason, the couple at the end of the bar got my attention.

Turns out it was Leland Melvin which I only figured out by overhearing the bartender's conversation. I suppose my NASA connections are not all that far removed. I introduced myself and immediately was connected with somebody from the old family - we of course knew all of the same black astronauts. Totally a good guy and I felt a little bad that I did not know that he was flying on Atlantis in a couple weeks.

I still think about my days in Booster pretty often. If I were to be honest, I would say that I really miss it as those were really good days. No doubt that I am happy with the choice that I made to go back to grad school, but I still miss it. The one thing that I am absolutely proud of is the fact that I was damn good at what I did in the Booster Group. I would like to think that I was one of the best MPS operators, and I would love to work console with the team again. That won't happen but it is still cool to think about those days. Damn was that really ten years ago?

Monetization

For once I am doing well in fantasy football this year. I won outright the Ibiza/Catalan elimination pool this week with a final pick of the Buffalo Bills. Can ya believe it? I owe it to the Bills. Given the win of that pool, I was able to monetize my position in my second elimination pool at the office. Not a bad deal since I was one of five remaining that was still alive. Sure, I could be leaving money on the table but I think that everybody will pick Philadelphia this week for the win with the following week creating all kinds of carnage. Also knowing that right now I have an expected pay off that is only expected - the reality is that it is either zero or the pot. I will happily take more than zero.

Shut up and get on my plane.

That was Scott's staff quote below his picture - pretty fitting because he was the one that loaded the plane and checked off the names from manifest. Going down to meet his family was tough but I think it helped them a lot to know that he was loved and had really turned his life around. Good man indeed.

Last night I really felt like I started to get to know more about J which was nice. We both shared a lot and I think I have a fairly good sense of her character now. It's actually kinda funny because I think I finally satisfied my promise of dinner - she requested truffle mashed potatoes and greens. Not a bad choice. I did my beef short ribs with that and it was all good.

She even helped me to clean up.

Remembering Scott

As much as I like to sneak away from work and get a jump in, it's fairly rare that I actually do that during my work week. I put it in my mind that I would walk out this past Friday no matter what at 3:30 or so and head to the DZ to make a jump and I held to that promise. Coming around the turn towards the DZ there was a line of traffic which I did not want to see so close to being able to get on the next load. Turns out three people from the DZ were at the road block which I thought nothing of thinking somebody landed off and they were near some sort of construction. No biggie. I perked up a bit more noticing a helicopter on the property as I was parking. This could have been my lucky day to find a private owner of the helicopter and a chance to jump it. I was really regretting not bringing my camera.....

Walking into the hanger, Rob's wife runs up and greats me with a big smile and an hug - it's been far too long since I have seen them. I asked about the helicopter as any skydiver probably would and she let's me know it is a news crew. There was an accident. The people on the road that I passed were with the officials.......getting Scott.

This story simply breaks my heart on so many levels. I understand the malfunction and I am glad that information has been shared with the "family" out there. Bag locks are very rare and this was certainly an odd one made even more dangerous because it is a high speed malfunction. Yes, the mal might have been handled better. Sure, Scott should have been accounted for after the jump. Nobody would have ever wanted to leave a coworker and friend if they were in need. But the one thing that hurts my heart about this is that Scott was alone. If he made it out of his harness and container and made it any distance at all, this means he might have had a chance. Even if he had not, I wish that somebody would have been there to comfort him, pray with him, and let him know that he was loved. He deserved to hear that and know somebody was with him no matter the outcome.

Pretty much ever Saturday morning as I get my gear from my car and walk to the hanger, Scott is the first person that I would see as he is cleaning up, pushing an airplane out, or filling the water coolers. We always spoke in the mornings and there were a lot of times I would kinda laugh as he would have a fresh shave but always with a cut on his face.....and dabs of leftover shaving cream. He did it all at the DZ. Scott was the guy that cleaned bathrooms, cleaned up around the drop zone, pre-flighted airplanes, and loaded people. He did everything with a smile which says a lot - most employees at drop zones come and go but Scott who did the least of the jobs - the very least - always was on time and worked his ass off. Before every load he had his list of who was on the load and would be walking around checking off names. He knew everybody and spoke to everyone there with a smile. He was always the last person I would see as I would get on the plane and he would always offer offer a slap and a fist pound.

Scott, it was not the same without you today, and it will never be the same. Your family mourns losing you.

Blue skies
Better days

Uninvited

I don't know whether to be pissed or just plain disappointed tonight.

A couple of weeks ago I was approached as a possible candidate to join the city of Houston's Midtown Management District Board by the chair of the board . Cool! Midtown is my area of town that I live in and it is very much up and coming. It is changing a lot and it is one of the hipper parts of near downtown. Sure, why not do this? I am a business man that has a lot of connections so this totally makes sense for me to do.

I was invited to a meeting by the chair of the board which was tonight to kinda check it out, get some more information, and see if it would be for me. Well as I am sitting there in the meeting, a motion to approve the applications of the four candidates for the opening slots comes up. Huh? I haven't filled out an application yet. What is going on? My name was not one of the four......I have no idea what is going.

I have no idea what happened but it just does not make sense.

Types

It crossed my mind today that it was about 5 years ago that I met Christopher and his family. Such a cool kid and I can’t say that I will be the same after knowing him. The years seem to have passed so quickly.

Despite the time change, this was a cool weekend for the most part. Although Friday was low key, Saturday was really busy. This was the weekend of the 44 ways at my DZ. Although I did not participate with that group, I did get in 6 jumps with the alternate team that had at least 12 on it all day. Bummed me out that I went low on the first jump but I remedied that by wearing a shirt for the rest of the day. Now I know that I have the confidence that I can go with a group that big and still make it in even if I have to put on a layer.

I was fairly surprised to get a call back from J this weekend wanting to get dinner. I gotta stop being such a cynical ass about relationships.because at some point if you expect nothing you get nothing. That said, this has left me wondering about "my type" of woman. I think I have clearly proven that I don't have one from past experiences but there are some traits that I gravitate towards. Chemistry and having a big heart are two big ones. J has those. But I wonder from her side of things, does this guy (me) that she just met have what it takes to be her type. Surely much of this is the difference between perception and reality of who we are at heart, I know this to be true. Time will tell. Time will certainly tell..

What's for Dinner: After Dinner

One of my favorite parts of dinner is after everybody has gone home. There is always one last glass of wine to be had. Put on some good tunes and it's time to clean up. No matter how late it is, I always find myself wanting to go to bed with a clean kitchen - I suppose that is just my quirk.