I Think Angels Drop Their Heads

I am sure all the angels in heaven drop their heads every time a woman cries. There is nothing worse in the world to see - only thing worse is being the one to cause it.

Yeah, that's me..........I feel like shit.

Gut Check

I always knew I had my "list" of must haves but it has never come back in my face like this. This is really different but a lot of ways it does not make sense that it should be different.......I think what makes this stand out is that I don't think I have ever met somebody or gone on a date with someone that had the package except for this one thing. In all my years its strange that I am 36 and I am just now faced with this.

I had to make a call with her to flat out say that we could not be. She is agnostic and well, I am not. That is the beginning and end of it. I believe in God and I need to share that with the person that I am with. I just can't say it will work out or we could co-exist. We could but we couldn't. I really need to share that part of myself and also let it be nurtured through our love.

Maybe I am just older. Maybe I am just looking for something different. Maybe I am just more serious. Honestly I think it is her. No way we could just hang and date and go through the motions as it would be very serious. How could I go into that knowing right up front that I could not marry somebody agnostic? Even more, I know that I need people and friends around me that have some spiritual focus - Jewish, Hindu, Christian whatever. There is a world of religion out there for us to explore and I respect them all while holding to my own. I don't care what you are, just be a good one.

I stand by my word. I stand by my principles. I stand by my faith.

Dancing on the Edge

Sorry Fame, I did it again.

Saturday I completed jumps 7 and 8 in my dive flow and it was a beautiful day to do it. Unfortunately Terry and Brent have left this DZ as instructors.....I hope they come back. Cool guys to hang out with and really knowledgeable.

First jump of the day was with Kat to do barrel rolls. Solo poised exit and I found her just fine after getting out. MUCH to my surprise the roll thing was way cool. I was able to go both ways and it was a lot of fun - so much fun that I held a finger up at 8,000 to her hoping she understood that I wanted to do JUST ONE MORE! Flew an awesome pattern after opening and stood up my landing. Awesome jump.

Second jump was with Val to do back flips and front flips. Diving exit and this time out of the Otter. I ended up on my back spinning a couple times which was a bit upsetting trying to do the flips. I was not worried about getting back belly down, I was more worried about not showing Val that I could do the flips and failing the dive. All in all, the acrobatics teach you more about getting stable after you are unstable than doing perfect flips and rolls. You learn by doing something uncomfortable and figuring out how to get yourself out of it. I must have opened my canopy a good .75 miles south of where I needed to be but flew back just fine over the DZ. The canopy ride this time was sooooo slooooow. I hung around 3,000 ft forever tooling around being held up by thermals. Finally 2,000 ft......finally 1,000 ft. Really slow but I flew a good pattern and stood up that landing as well.

Thanksgiving 2006

Dickinson, party of 1

Menu

Crab cake over home made marinara
Polenta with roasted red pepper puree and parmigiano reggiano
Roasted brussel sprouts
Herb crusted venison chop with cabernet reduction and tarragon butter
Karl Lawrence Cabernet Savignon

Standby Hell

This is what happens when you miss the check in time for your flight.

Just go ahead and accept that you will join the masses of people that are second class citizens to the airlines. Go ahead, stand in line. You can even be first in line - you are gonna be ignored. Go ahead, ask a question. I hope you don't expect an answer.

I missed my check in time (don't even ask why) for my return to Houston this Sunday. Even though I was late to check in, I still made it to the gate in time to watch them board my flight giving away my seat. Bye bye flight and I go to standby hell. Four flights later it's mid afternoon and I am still in New Orleans.

Options:
1. Stick it out and hope I get on one of the next three
2. Miss all three of these flights and end up getting a hotel to make the 5:45 AM flight
3. Buy an $120 Southwest flight to Houston Hobby and pay $70 for a cab to take me to my baggage and car at George Bush
4. Rent a car and make the drive

At 4:15, I take my fate in my own hands and rent the car and drive 5 hours back to Houston. Sucks. Kinda sad that this is what I will remember Elena's wedding for. Enough weddings, I am done.

My Head.......

Hurts.

I am gonna start naming my hangovers. I think I am gonna name them after the person that I was out with. Today's hangover is called John Nolan. Thanks fucko! I looked at the alarm clock this morning like, "Are you kidding me?" Pros play hurt......

Interesting dinner last night. Second time going out with Angela. She really does impress me in a lot of ways and is far and away the most intelligent woman I have gone out with in a while. Yet, there seems to be a gap. She admits she is not where she needs to be in life and to be honest she is spot on. I have never been one to fix people or deal with people that don't have the basics down so I just don't see there being a fit here. Our discussion on religion leaves me wanting as well. I know that I need somebody to help me in my daily walk. I can respect the fact that she is Agnostic but as I embrace my faith and ask questions about life, I don't know if we can grow together in faith. Yet this woman is very, very smart. Early red flags that are ignored guarantee issues down the road.

Off to the FINAL wedding this weekend in the booming town of Gonzales LA. It's always good to see Andre and the family so that will be good.

The Two Shortest Months

November and December. Two major holidays and all the parties that come with them. Seems like last year it was all a blur and I didn't really have any balance - it seemed like party after party with no time for George. This year will be different. I will certainly be making my rounds but also making time for me particularly in the gym, running or playing racquetball. Speaking of, I went 3 - 0 tonight playing. Thats how I do it! Yeah Baby!

I suppose I am thinking about Christmas simply because it's in my face right now. Who made the rule that you could put up lights BEFORE Thanksgiving. Geez. Can I get some turkey first? They are popping up everywhere in Houston. Just another frustrating sign that we have forgotten that the holiday is not about us. It's about the birth of Christ. If somebody looks me in the eye again this year and actually says "Xmas" like its a word I am gonna lose it. Seems like every year I have to look deeper and deeper within myself to find meaning.

Strangest thing. Sitting at my desk yesterday I found myself thinking about Christopher Csikos. I miss that kid. How can somebody so small have such an impact on your life.

Moving On From My Stone

I suppose if you don't move along quick enough, life has a way of doing it for you. Carly gets married this weekend. I won't even begin to address the complexities of my feelings there but I suppose everything happens for a reason. Afterall, who cares about somebody you dated years ago. I suppose I do.

Fuck it. I am bitter. I suppose I have every right to be bitter but at the same time I wish her the best and all the happiness possible. I really, really mean that as I don't wish ill on anyone. I am not bitter at her specifically, but maybe more so at life and the way it all went down and how I was left in a flat spin in the aftermath. Why didn't I get a second chance to make it right? I suppose sitting here bitter/banged up and pissed at a the circumstance around a woman who has found a way to move on with her life is not the most healthy thing. But in the end, here I sit. That is not a good thing and I guess the lesson learned is that I need to do the same thing. Move on. My friends and so many women tell my I have so much going for me. I am a catch. I am a great guy. Blah, blah, blah.......... I honestly don't ever care to hear that again. Yet, I have not found anybody to move along with - and it's been three years almost to the day.

Carly I really wish you the best and all God's blessings on your marriage and family. We all have our cross to bare, my cross is The Stone.

I've this creeping
Suspicion that things here are not as they seem
Oh reassure me
Why do I feel as if I'm in too deep
I've been praying
For some way to show them I'm not what they see
Yes I have done wrong
But what I did I thought needed be done
I swear

Oh, unholy day
If I leave now I might get away
God knows it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go

100 Successful Launches

Not sure if it means much but I am officially 100 posts in now. Thinking back to when I kept a pen and paper journal I have no idea how many entries there were. That journal was so out of order and sequence (by design) that it would be hard to tell. I suppose one of the main differences between that and this one is that along the way I have managed to connect with others here. So to those that stop by, you know who you are, thank you. It's been great getting to know you and each of you are special. And to those that lurk (yeah you) thanks for lurking.

Despite the time change and the short days the last couple weeks have been really active for me which is good. Since it has been too cold to swim it is officially running season for the kid. Also I have been back on the racquetball court with Fran so that has been fun exercise also. The weather has been good also so that helps as well. Can't wait to have a weekend in town this weekend and have two good days to myself.

Well I just found out that I wont have a date to Elena's wedding coming up. I thought for once I would do something different and actually show up with a date........she backed out. Sucks. I certainly understand Michelle's conflict but ...... well I don't know. I suppose I was just looking forward to experiencing something that I don't get a chance to often. If you do something every year with your family on the same weekend, wouldn't you check that out before telling somebody you would go to a wedding? Now I have to back out with Elena and tell her it will be just me.

Wedding in the Hill Country

Kerry's wedding was this weekend in Wimberley TX. This was my first trip to the true hill country area of the state. I was really surprised how beautiful the area is. Certainly not a lot going on other than a lot of antique shopping if that is your thing but it is a good change of pace. All of the wedding events were on the Red Coral Ranch and everything was first class. Certainly one of the best and nicest weddings I have ever attended. I really think she and Andrew will be happy.

So this was wedding number 2 of 3 in 5 weeks for me. How many have I gone to? How many weddings have I been in? I wish that I could put a number on either question. The more weddings I go to it seems like I find myself being the cynical guy in the back row snickering. Not that I wish ill on anybody, I suppose I find myself believing less in marriage in some ways. Boy that doesn't sound good at all. I think it is probably because I just have no concept of how you get there to the alter. That didn't sound good either.........

There is at least one thing that I can do at weddings. Seems like I do a good job of being "that guy". Dancing with the flower girls, serving a few cocktails, telling a few jokes - I guess that is my role.