Common Answers

Although I kinda feel like a freak for asking this of my friends, I think it might have been a good thing. The answers are fairly clear and it does not even need to be re-stated. I am just gonna put my helmet on, and get back in the game.

This one is just for me.

Treebird: I think you have just kinda given up

Bex: There is nothing at all wrong, but remember that there is a game to be played. As much as you are naturally laid back and just here I am, George, you still have to fit in. You still have to walk up and have that opening line like any other guy.

Church: what's the haps

Booster MPS: nothing man

Booster MPS: nothing

Church: has don set you up again

Booster MPS: nah

Booster MPS: last one was the corde' chick

Church: ?

Booster MPS: she was nice enought but no chemistry

Booster MPS: really nice

Booster MPS: not unattractive

Church: BUT

Booster MPS: but

Booster MPS: I dont know.........

Booster MPS: chemistry

Booster MPS: I suppose

Church: she didn't want to throw down w/ my boy after din din

Booster MPS: I dunno

Church: what did you guys do on the date

Church: just dinner and wine

Church: ?

Booster MPS: met for lunch

Booster MPS: she was cool I suppose

Church: mine as well meet out

Church: so it's not anything so confined

Church: maybe she has a wild side

Church: a little more fun that she wants to bust out

Church: i do mean bust out

Booster MPS: dont think so.....she is nice just did not grab me

Booster MPS: I mean

Church: so tell me when was the last time you met someone where the chemistry just popped out at the initial meeting

Church: where there was no alcohol involved

Booster MPS: dont know I suppose..........

Booster MPS: (am I on the witness stand..........)

Church: maybe you are looking for too much at the beginning

Church: built it up as this big thing that you will feel

Booster MPS: maybe

Church: that's all i'm saying

Church: maybe your not giving yourself enough of a chance to make that spark

Church: no witness stand

Church: just trying to help

Church: i want my boy happy

Church: and gettin busy

Booster MPS: I hear ya

Booster MPS: I know

Booster MPS: I know

Church: if you were meeting other people in circumstances other than a bar where people tend to be a little more likely to let it out

Church: then i wouldn't think so

Church: but when you can't remember when the last time you just said wow that felt like there was a good attraction with someone

Church: maybe you are expecting too much from the first impression

Church: you see where i'm coming from?

Booster MPS: Yeah I see where you are coming from I

Ang: There is nothing that you aren't doing. I think you are just waiting for something worth it.

J-Ha:
.... you are a fine young man with a lot going for himself ... write that down and dont forget it

Common Questions

So I put it out there. Why are you not dating anyone? It's been a very common question recently and I suppose it deserves an answer. As a matter of fact, maybe 4 of my friends dropped this one on me in the same week which I thought was odd but it probably has a deeper meeaning.

Rather than answer the question myself, I am gonna turn it around and ask those around me the question. I think those around us have a clearer view of ourselves than we often do. I know I value the opinions of those around me that I trust so I am putting it out there.

So there it is, time to get a gut check from those around me and put the feedback into action. I will ask for honest answers even if they sting a little. Even more important, I will do my best to implement the views into my life and approach meeting people. Change is good particularly if you are working on yourself - I think I need some and it feels good to put it in the hands to others. Some of the answers are already in, stay tuned.

Out to Austin for the weekend, I need some time on the lake.

Tangible: Why are you not in a relationship

So George, answer the question....... Dare you to give an honest answer.

Something on the Horizon

There is something I can't put my finger on, but it's there.

Every now and then I get this feeling of things changing. Shifting. Life re-arranging. I kinda have that feeling now in some ways. I think it is more so that I honestly feel due for some changes in life. Good changes hopefully.

I have been challenging myself for the last few months to push myself physically swimming and also with the career and search to find my place in or within the company. I hope it pays. Well, I think it is about t pay. Life kinda seems within my grasp and I have the ability to shape it at will. It's not quite there, but it's tangible.

Tangible. I like that word right now. Not clear, not defined, not done, not complete. But it is there. I could not have written the story of my life that I have been blessed with thus far. Life has been good even through the bad. I don't know where this is going, but I know it's gonna be good.

Just grasping it in the moment

Mid summer. Here it is. Labor Day will be here before I know it, then off to San Fran, and before you know it we will set the clocks back and Summer will be long gone. But right now it feels good to be living it in the moment. But damn it's hot here in Houston!

What ever happened to the summers I had growing up in Mobile? I think I played outside all day every day and always had stuff to do. Day camps, swimming, movies and riding my bike EVERYWHERE. It was always an adventure. I think that is what I miss most about summer - simply having it off. Wouldn't it be cool just to have the summer to do nothing again? Can't beat life when your biggest concern is where you are gonna go tomorrow to pick black berries or what you are gonna add to your fort. If I could do anything I would probably travel constantly and maybe even go on the road with Spirit.

Greg moved back from NYC last week and I have had a blast hangin' with my long time buddy and catching up on what has been going on. Mark my words, there will be some shenanigans on the horizon. Good friends like him are priceless.

Friday I had my "conversation" with Jim at the office. For now I think he tried his best and I am glad they upped the pot for me but no where near it should be. I suppose they get another shot to put a package together. Sure money is good but at the end of the day, the work and career path have got to be what I want. We will see where this goes.

Nowhere Fast

Just kinda says it all for me at the moment. I have been playing Make Yourself a lot recently and it seems like I keep getting drawn to this song. I don't think I really listened to the lyrics word for word before tonight. As blessed as I know that I am, I can't seem to find the things that I am searching for.

Maybe it's all right in front of my face and I don't see it.
Maybe it's all around.
I might have walked right by it.
Was it a phone call that I forgot to return?
Was I staring out a window?
So many questions.

Where is my spark?

Incubus - Nowhere Fast

Will I ever get to, where it is that I am going?
Will I ever follow through with what I, what I had planned?
I guess it's possible, that I have been a bit distracted
and the directions for me are a lot less in demand.

Will I ever get to where I'm going?
If I do, will I know when I'm there?
If the wind blew me in the right direction (yea) would I even care?
I would.

I take a look around; it's evident the scene has changed.
And there are times when I feel improved upon the past.
Then there are times when I can't seem to understand at all
and yes it seems as though I'm going nowhere...
really fucking fast

Will I ever get to where I'm going?
If I do, will I know when I'm there?
If the wind blew me in the right direction (yea) would I even care?
I would. I would. I would.

Relative Worth

Houston certainly has it's share of homeless people and midtown provides a constant and conveneint place for them to seek a buck or two to help them get by. As I am walking from a bar here in midtown with a friend, Scott, a homeless man approaches us. We expect to get knocked up for a couple bucks but that is not quite how the conversation goes:

Man: Excuse me man (to Scott), can I get $.15? I just need a little help to get a .......

Scott: Here ya go man (handing him $.75)

Man: Oh, no no no, I don't need all this man, take this back (handing Scott $.50 back)

Scott: No really, it's alright, take it. You can have it.

When you really think about it, this simple interaction says a lot about the difference in value that we place on things in life. It certainly taught me a lot about the value of a dollar im more ways than what my parents ever taught me. From this man's reaction you would have thought Scott had handed him a $100 bill. I wish that I had this lesson in my memory to share with others from an earlier age.

The Business of Business

Am I doing the right thing?
Am I putting my effort and energy in the right occupation and more importantly the right company?

These are the questions that I am asking myself right now. I should know these answers. I didn't go back to B school and accumulate a shit load of debt to be a Joe grinding out my existence in a job that I am not passionate about. I went back to get the skills to be a leader.

Tomorrow things change. Whether I stay at this job or leave (which is the likely case) I know in my heart I need to stand up for what is right and ethical. I gotta stand up particularly when it comes to me because I really have nothing to lose. Right is right and I am not gonna get walked over any more. I need to be considered for leadership positions because without question I am qualified. I have done more in the energy industry than most people with the same amount of experience and it is unfair to myself to have others considered before me for positions that I want.

Either the leadership of the company recognizes my potential and skills and compensates me for it or it will be their loss. I will have to move on.

Yeah, I am doing the right thing.

From India to me

I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectation

Thank you!

Baby Charles Says............

Peace Brotha!

Where does this kid come up with these things to say?

Happy Birthday Dad

Pops, thinking about you this morning a lot on this end. I miss you - we had a lot more years to get to know each other. Happy Birthday to you! I think you would have been proud of the man that I have grown to be.

Forgiveness

One of the best and most rewarding parts of this past weekend on the Cape was an apology. A simple apology made it all worth while.

There have been a ton of times that people have pissed me off. Even worse, I have a list of times that I have been disappointed and let down by friends. At times it has been an out right betrayal of everything that I am by somebody that I considered a brother or sister. I will be the first to say that there have been plenty of times that I have been on the other end and hurt somebody dear. I too have fallen way, way short at times. All said, when things like this happen, how often do we get a chance to take it back? How often do we get a chance to make it right? How often have we passed by opportunities to step up and simply say I am sorry. Someone told me once that three things in life are free: thank you, I am sorry and please. How true but how often do we pass on the chance to make the wrong right.

I got this chance. Nikki was there this weekend and I had a chance to speak to her one on one for the first time in say 5 years. We dated about the same time that I moved back here after grad school. I broke up with her and broke her heart. I made a decision that I thought was right at the time to not be with her and it deeply hurt her. Although I did not disrespect her in any way, it still remains that I hurt her and never really had a chance to push back from the emotions of the moment and simply say, "I am sorry". The fact remains that I hurt her and that is all that is important. So I got my chance. Even more, I made my chance which was not easy but I am glad that I had a chance to clear the space between us. We even spoke for a moment and caught up after that which was nice.

So there she is. Swinging. So beautiful. I will say it again, Nikki I and so sorry that I hurt you. I probably should have gone over and done some pushing but I didn't............

4th of July Weekend on the Cape

I suppose that it's weekends like this that make going back to work so hard. You never know how much you need to get away until you go on a trip.

It really feels like going to the Cape to visit Wendell and Lori's family is becoming an extension of myself. It's like this is my family in a way or maybe my tradition to go for the Fourth of July. It feels really good to go back somewhere familiar that is like home. And to top it all off, it's simply so damn beautiful and peaceful.

This year I got in Thursday night and took a car out to Wendell's house in Wareham/Onset. This was the first year that he has had a full house. Wendell and Lori had in addition to their two boys: Wendell's Mother, brother's family with two kids, cousin's family and two kids, Yolanda, Halema and child, Nikki, and 3 other friends. I think the head count was 20 at some point bedding down all over the place for the night. All the people seemed to add to the family aspect of the weekend. Everybody pitched in and helped out cleaning and watching the kids which makes it really easy. Pretty much the Cape Verdean way.......

Friday night I went out with Lori's nephew, Jay, to New Bedford (New Beht Faht) to a bar called Legacy and had a great time. Oh the Cape Verdean women......so beautiful. I will always be a sucker for their looks and mannerisms. Unfortunately it is hard to find a single one without a ton of baggage or several kids. That's not meant as a dig or stereotype, simply an observation (unfortunately I think Lori took that comment over the weekend as a dig, sorry babe). That was about the only time that I went out and about. The rest of the weekend was centered around Wendell's annual party on Saturday. I helped him get his two wave runners up and going for the guest to play on. Everybody ran the shit out of them and they unfortunately ingested their share of sand which I constantly tried to flush out.

For the most part I spent my time relaxing and enjoying the view. Even on Saturday I just chilled on the deck and listened to tunes on my ipod. It was perfect and just what I needed. The weather was perfect for doing just that. I will remember this trip for the memories of sitting on the deck drinking beer and relaxing. The view for the fireworks Saturday night was awesome. and it was good to be up there taking it in by myself.

I almost forgot........ I had all intentions or heading back to Boston early before my flight on Monday so that I could have lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Silverblood and also Giant Octopus. It would have been great to meet them and put a face with a name. I think I have been gaming with these guys for probably 3 or 4 years now. Unfortunately it did not happen but I look forward to meeting them the next time I am up that way.

New Music: Fort Minor - The Rising Tied
Dinner Tonight - Crab Cakes with chipotle aioli and risotto
Drinking Right Now - 1998 Terra Valentine Cabernet Sauvignon, seems like the chocolate and wood tones are starting to get muddled a bit. Smooths out after it opens for a while.